“What time are you arriving? I’ve corralled
as much land as I can and raised the colours, but the natives are revolting and
amassing in numbers, the Memsahib has buried her head in Crushed Candy, the Kat
has got a hole in the bum of her onesie and to cap it all, Dammit, Ray Mears
has gone back to his tent for a nap. If you don’t get here soon I fear we shall
be overrun”.
Perseverance
Old Boy and fear not, for the Bad Lady Wife and I are on the way post-haste, armed
with Jellies and reinforcements from the Black Country. Stretch and
the Cowper Van will form a pincer manoeuvre with NooNoo
& Mr T, which assuredly will be covered by a ticket-bagging, lip smacking, drink
clenching, cool buzzing, high talking, fast
living, ever fizzing journalist from the Carnoustie Guide & Gazette, so Stand Fast and keep a Stiff Upper Lip.
Well done chaps, think we’ve made it. They
stood no chance against the incessant wailings of the Kat, the magnitude of the
Evans Bottom Burps and the Full Frontal Flashing of Mrs B. Each and every one of you were ‘ferocious in
battle, but we must remember to be magnanimous in victory’. Let us finish the
Vodka Jellies and go and dance like demons to the Ferocious Dogs of the Night,
for tomorrow your sight will be like a blurry mist, your memories a ragtag
collection of partial moments of Portaloo un-pleasantries and a knowledge that before
we depart for our homeland the cider will have defrosted, the Dagenham Girl
Pipers will sound like a rock band and one of you will be urinated on by a small
dog.
Good Luck my merry Band of Brothers !
