En Garde !

En Garde !

I surface fizzing & literally popping with the sounds of "Fire" by The Crazy World of Arthur Brown on repeat in the old nut. Good choice nut!

Some mornings you awake to find your subconscious has no music taste at all, but with todays choice it is playing a blinder.

Second pot of coffee on, so heads down & here we go. This mornings subject list for consideration include rogue indoor plants, talking to yourself  and funerals for toys .

The lost photograph

Like almost everyone else in Telford I’d heard the legend, of course, about the missing photograph of Darwin and Wallace, the two co-discoverers of Evolution by means of Natural Selection, standing side-by-side. Together. In the same frame.

The incorrigible sceptic in me had always dismissed the tale as a myth, just wishful thinking. It had never happened. But wouldn’t it be fantastic if it had?

And then last week, whilst browsing in the History of Science section in a Charity shop in Wellington, (Shropshire not Somerset, or New Zealand obviously as I really would have taken the wrong bus if I were in the latter and then been very late home for tea)  that I chanced upon a collection of Thomas Henry Huxley’s essays entitled  Darwiniana. I picked it up to examine it, as you do, and to my surprise not only was it modestly priced at £1 but this photo dropped out  

The legendary missing photograph: Darwin (R) and Wallace (L)

You've Been Framed

The Campermatic ... 

 ... all washed and loaded for a quick trip up to the dreaded In-Laws via Llangollen (for a bit of evening Paragliding if the bloody hurricane that's blowing at the moment ever decides to ease off) and then a few beers, good food and an overnight at the campsite at Hulme End just outside of Bakewell before completing the journey on Saturday morning. 

I had to get some provisions in for this trip morning so I went to the Supermarket, obviously not the one I am barred from, and had just put the few items I required on the conveyer at the check-out and a lady behind me started to unload her trolley almost on top of my stuff. So that it didn't get all mixed up I placed one of those the plastic divider jobbies between our goods and waited for the girl at the till to finish chatting to the previous customer.

Unbelievably, after scanning my stuff the dopy girl then tried to find the barcode on the divider in order to scan it, and failing to find one, asked me if I knew how much it was ??????

I bit my tongue, stifled a giggle and miraculously didn't pee myself and told her that actually if it was ok with her I had changed my mind and didn't think that I wanted to buy it today afterall, thinking she was actually having a laugh, but no, she simply replied OK. So I paid for what I had and on the way out had a good look around for the hidden cameras and Harry Hill, just in case !

Time to get fit

After a successful trial period I'm now going to roll-out my new Daily exercise ritual Monthly.

Old Fogey

Heard some youths talking today about some Old Fogey in the pub last night and it got me thinking.

You get Old Fogeys, and we know some of those.

You even get Young Fogeys, and we all know one of those .

But who has ever met a straight-down-the-line Regular Fogey?

Nobody, would be my guess.

Must get out more

Nearly had my eye taken out by a nail ricocheting around the room this morning.

....Note to self, wear safety goggles when cutting toe nails !

Supermarket Space Travel

Think I've been conned. Bought this last week & all it's done is sprout greens. It'll never beat that Branston Fella to the Moon. Rocket Kit my arse !

I might be in trouble….

When I retired, Jayne declared that she no longer needed to go to the shops as I was not ‘busy’ and so left all the shopping to me. Unfortunately, unlike like most men, I find shopping an adventure with soooooo many opportunities for fun...

Yesterday the good lady received the following letter from the local Supermarket.

Dear Mrs. Gowler,
Your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store for some while now and we cannot tolerate this behaviour any longer. Regrettably, therefore, we have been forced to ban him, and all known members of your family, from our stores forthwith.

Our complaints against your husband over the past six months are listed below and are documented by our CCTV surveillance cameras:

11^th November: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly placed them in other customer’s trolleys whilst they weren't looking.

25^th November: He set all the alarm clocks in the Technology aisle to go off at five minute intervals.

5^th December: He made a trail of smooth sandwich pickle on the floor leading to the Mens Toilet area.

12^th December: He walked up to an employee and told her in an 'official voice', "Code 3 in Wines & Spirits, get on to it right away". This caused the employee to leave her assigned station unnecessarily, for which she receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in a union grievance being raised and caused the store management to lose both time and money.

17^th December: he went to the Customer Services Desk and demanded to reserve a bag of Twiglets.

23^rd December: He erected a tent (from the Home & Garden aisle) in the Entertainment aisle and told all the children that he was waiting for Santa because it was ‘fact that every year Santa always arrived at this supermarket earlier than everywhere else in England & they would be able to tell him personally what presents they would like, so they should just grab a blanket, pillow & bag of crisps off the shelves and wait with him…. to which twenty+ children obediently obliged.

5^thJanuary: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

10^th January: When a Customer Services employee asked if they could help him he fell to the ground crying and screaming, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' causing the Emergency Services to be called.

17^th January: He looked right into one of the security cameras and used it as a
mirror while he picked his nose.

13^th February: He darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

28^th February: In the Home Accessories aisle, he practiced his 'Madonna look'
with the use of different sizes of funnels.

8^th March: he hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

19^th March: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed the foetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES
AGAIN"

26^th March: He took a box of condoms to Customer Services and asked where the fitting room was.

And the FINAL straw
1^st April: He went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here" causing mass panic amongst other customers and one of our employees to pass out.

Setting the scene

You are born and have a series of peaks, troughs, triumphs & tribulations then eventually die, that's the rules.
You can't drive until you are 17, buy alcohol until 18 or drive a Rolls Royce until you are 21, that’s the rules.
You can't join Saga until you are 50 and have to be 65 to claim a State Pension, that’s the rules.
But there is no rule that says you have to grow all the way up.... so I haven't.