Mad Dogs and Englishmen...

It all started off so innocently….

We met up with some friends at the Hole in The Wall Festival on Friday evening with the plan to enjoy the sunshine and then chill around the fire pit enjoying the odd bevy or two and engage in witty banter.

By 2am, the Bad Lady Wife and the Good Lady Cindy having departed for bed the previous day, we had exhausted the supply of defrosted cider. Yes, Dale had deliberately put them in the freezer he assured me, “to keep them cool, can’t abide warm Cider”

Awaking to glorious sunshine again around mid-morning, yawn, I had an unnerving recollection of a plan involving Dales new Mini iPad that, not only has the “Hold the Button for as long as you can” App,

but also the "Bin Collection Days for all Streets in the West Midlands” App,  the “Food Hygiene Ratings for all Curry Houses North of Watford” App and more excitingly the “Location of all the Pubs in the World together with opening times and beer prices” App which we could use to go for a bike ride on Monday. That is of course after he had collected his new Velocipede. I also kind of remember his description of it as “a Viper Green Beast with 29 inch 'go-very-fast-wheels' and something like 48 different gear combinations”.

However, I thought no more of it and duly re-commenced reducing the national surfeit of tinned alcohol whilst waiting for the Bad Lady Wife to make my Bacon Butties. Once comfortably replete we adjourned to the main Festival area and settled into the routine of bar-chair-bar- wet head under tap- bar-toilet-bar whilst Blondie, then Bon Jovi and finally The Rolling Stones tried their best to keep us from our competition to get the most beer for the least money. (Dale triumphed on the single round whilst I took the trophy for the greater number of bargain rounds).

The next thing I recall is Sunday lunchtime and a realisation that we were really going out on the bikes on Monday; evidently it had been discussed in great detail back at the vans after the concert.