Superfluous Bullshit of the Modern Workplace

Employers have warned that many school leavers are unable to pester colleagues into sponsoring them for a charity fun run, talk at length about their dinner plans or write arsey notes about unwashed mugs.

Local Businessman Arthur Daley said: “Too many youngsters enter the workplace unaware that at least 60% of their time will be spent chatting, bickering and engaging in juvenile politics".

“One young lass recently taken on from the Job Centre didn’t understand there was a rigid hot drink rota that fills people with smouldering resentment if every single cuppa is not reciprocated. Plus, having now been here a week not once has she been heard complaining about the smokers outside the foyer making the company look unprofessional". He continued, "They should have been taught the superfluous bullshit needed for the modern workplace before leaving school"

Business leaders like Mr Daley now want the government to change the National Curriculum to include skills ranging from hoarding White-Board markers to whining about the canteen not being a McDonald's and closing at 6pm, thus inconveniencing late-working staff with no social life.

A Department of Education spokesman said: “Business leaders have told us they want more petty-minded workaholic losers, and it is the duty of the education system to provide them. So we are proposing to mess around with the National Curriculum again this winter and replace the old traditional and outdated subjects like GCSE Maths and English and replace them with Proper ‘O’ levels in subjects like ‘Obsessing About How Long Your Colleagues Take For Lunch’.

Ultimately, our goal is that every pupil will be the sort of co-worker you really try to avoid getting the train home with.”